Indoctrination...

I have a headache. And it's not because I'm teaching two huge sections of freshmen for the first time in my life -- actually, so far, I really like them! No, my headache is the direct result of the uproar over President Obama's address to students, scheduled to air on September 8. Conservative parents are practically rioting in the streets over this clear attempt to indoctrinate their children with his Socialist Agenda. And okay, I know I'm really generalizing here. I'm going to assume that "conservative" doesn't equal "insane." As in, there have to be plenty of conservative parents who may disagree with the president on any number of issues but don't think it's dangerous for their children to ever hear a single word he says. Right? Right? I think it's perfectly fine to criticize a political leader. I think it's freaking CRAZY to flip out about your children hearing a presidential address, and REALLY freaking crazy to scream "Indoctrination!" Because listening to a televised speech about the importance of staying in school and setting educational goals is going to undo all of the values you've worked so hard to instill in your children or something? Seriously?

I was standing in line at Starbucks this morning reading the headlines in various newspapers, and I was honestly floored by how much attention this is getting. Schools are requiring permission slips to be sent home before students watch the speech. Some parents are keeping their children home that day. (Congratualations on Making a Point! Nice flounce!) I'm going to suggest that if you're honestly worried that merely hearing a presidential address will cause your children to become baby-killing socialists, you should possibly consider keeping your children at home not just on Tuesday, but all year long. Definitely don't let them watch any unsupervised television, listen to radio stations, and for the love of God, keep them off the Internet. Make sure you do background checks on everyone who speaks to your child without you in the room. I promise, they're going to be "indoctrinated" by something, somewhere. And when they're trying to iron it all out in therapy years from now, it's probably not going to come back to this address they listened to in school.

If I sound rather crabby about this, it's because I am. I am a public high school teacher, and back in January we had to send home permission slips before we allowed our students to watch the Inauguration. Guess what? I was nine years old when the first Bush was inaugurated and my parents didn't have to sign anything for me to see that. (Unfortunately, Bush was miserably unsuccessful at indoctrinating me.) And I was only nine, but I still remember it, and I still found it fascinating, even if I didn't fully understand everything. I was in the eighth grade when Clinton was inaugurated. My class watched from the library, along with the rest of the students in the K-8 school I attended that year. I was just beginning my student teaching in 2001 when George W. Bush was sworn into office, and guess what! I didn't send home any permission slips for that, either! Because that's crazy, and also, it never would have occurred to anyone!

Permission slips. For the Inauguration. We were to treat it like a documentary, the e-mail said (and whatever, I think permission slips for documentaries are stupid, too, and I always "forget" to send them home. I haven't lost my job over it yet).

Except it's NOT A DOCUMENTARY, it is the INAUGURATION of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, otherwise known as HISTORY IN THE MAKING. I mean, people, this sort of goes beyond who you voted for, and political agendas and all that. This is history. And also, have they ever required permission slips for them in the past? OF COURSE NOT.

We were on the evening news, of course, looking absolutely ridiculous. Which caused the district to issue statements about how it's "not a big deal" or anything, they just want parents to be EQUAL PARTNERS in this "opportunity." So basically, we should be sending home permission slips with every unit we teach? Why did I even bother getting all those useless degrees if I have to run everything by parents who can tell me how to teach? I'm sorry, if you are that parent, keep your kid at home before teachers like me get our filthy, corrupt hands on her. Who knows what ideas we're putting in these kids' heads. (You should probably know that I'm a big fan of banned books and I'm vehemently opposed to censorship, too, if that influences your decision at all.)

So anyway, the insanity has spread. I thought my district was just particularly crazy when they required permission slips for the Inauguration, but now I'm reading all over the news about these parents and their outrage over this INDOCTRINATION! I mean, sure, they say it's a speech about the importance of staying in school and setting educational goals and working hard, but if you listen very closely, and then play it backwards, the Socialist Agenda is totally right there!

(Augh, I have to stop that. It's not even funny anymore. Guys, I don't know how to break this to you gently, but Obama is actually a very middle-of-the-road Democrat. Do you know anything about socialism? Okay, then, you know he's NOT ACTUALLY A SOCIALIST. Calm down. Truthfully? Honestly? He's been somewhat of a disappointment to me on a few issues I care about because I was hoping he'd be a little more left of center than he has turned out to be. And no, I'm not going to talk about those right now, or possibly ever. But relax, he's not a socialist. And for the record, I'm not either.)

This is not the first time a president has addressed students, and it's not the first time students have watched a presidential address on television during their sacred educational time. One of my colleagues and I were discussing this today, and we both agreed that if there had been this kind of uproar about watching anything Bush said on television, people would have been branded as traitors or something -- they definitely would have been labeled as "unpatriotic." But, inexplicably, I've never heard of such widespread freaking out. What's worse -- schools are listening, and suddenly, a speech about studying hard and staying in school has become Evil Socialist Propaganda. We're losing all room for considered debate and critical thinking, and that, frankly, should scare people much more than hearing a speech from a president they may not agree with.