Anger, and trying to figure out how to use it

I'm angry and restless and trying to channel it somewhere.

I should not be shocked about what is happening across the country. I don't think I am. I love my country; don't you dare accuse me of not loving my country because I am angry. But this country is not a safe place for many of its people and it never has been. When a woman is out for a jog and a man hollers out the window that he wants to grab her by the pussy, it's not that it's a frightening, invasive thing to say, although it is: it's that he's quoting our president-elect. When hate speech is scrawled across our children's school bathrooms, across our citizens' cars, when reports of these incidents are pouring in by the thousands, when many of us know someone who personally encountered this in the last couple of days, when our friends are afraid, we need to do a better job of believing them and listening and acting. It's not that these things didn't happen before; of course they did, and many of us didn't have to think about it. Now we hear, "I can finally say that in public!"

The first time I heard Nadia Bolz-Weber speak, she said we need our conservative brothers and sisters, and I agree with her. I don't believe every conservative is a racist, a sexist, or a homophobe. However, I am completely out of patience with conservatives who spend more time announcing that they're not racist and complaining that it's not fair to label them as such than actively speaking out against it.

I'm trying to learn how to be better at this myself. I want to do more than fasten a safety pin to my shirt. I love the intention and the symbolism, but it has to carry more than that, or it's just another way for white people to feel good about themselves. I want to have thick enough skin to learn from people who call me out on my white privilege and obvious blind spots. It's not easy but it is important work that I have to do. Because, like, we don't have time to nurse white people's hurt feelings when lives and safety are literally on the line.

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Facebook friending and unfriending is an interesting thing. I remember a conversation I had with a conservative friend four years ago; she was dismayed that she had been unfriended by someone because of "politics." It never would have occurred to me to unfriend her, as we disagreed on many things but were still good friends. She thought the unfriending was "immature." I didn't know the circumstances or the other person, but I told her I was sorry that had happened. I see the issue a little differently now. I read an article today that summed it up pretty well: I don't unfriend people over politics, because that's ridiculous. I believe in trying to understand each other; we don't learn or practice empathy if we never experience perspectives other than our own. This is one of my core beliefs, and it is why I am not automatically unfriending anyone who disagrees with me or doesn't share my perspective.

However, I cannot agree to disagree about discriminating against women, LGBTQ folks, people of color, Muslims, immigrants, and refugees, especially if you're not someone I will likely ever engage in real dialogue, meet for coffee, or see ever again. If we politely disagree and engage in respectful dialogue but one of your friends jumps in and calls me a "libtard," and you don't say anything, I don't need to be your friend on Facebook. If you deny the real and pervasive existence of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and sexism or dismiss it as a "liberal exaggeration," you deny my humanity, you deny my daughter's humanity, you deny my students' humanity, you deny my friends' humanity, and just because we have some mutual high school friends is not reason enough to want to stay "friends." And that is not about my maturity. If your entire Facebook is photoshopped memes and "Share if you agree!" then I probably unfollowed/unfriended/blocked you a long time ago. (My personal favorite: "You voted for Obama twice and now you're going to vote for Hillary? Well, you're an asshole! Share if you agree!" That, by the way, was posted by a staunch Christian. I'm sure I'll miss our respectful dialogue, but I'll cope.)